Two Closest Friends [28F & 28M] Started Dating Didn't Tell Me [28F] and Told Eachother About Stuff I Told Them In Confidence

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2021.10.24 16:44 edrumnoob Two Closest Friends [28F & 28M] Started Dating Didn't Tell Me [28F] and Told Eachother About Stuff I Told Them In Confidence

The two friends involved are Tom [28M] and Emily [28F]. I'm 28 F. Also, I apologize in advance for the novel I'm about to type. It's been a month and a half since this happened and the situation is living rent free in my mind.
For some background, I've been best friends with Emily for over 15 years, and Tom and I have been close for over 10 years. They went to different high schools so they didn't really know eachother.
Before COVID I mentioned to them separately that I think they would be good together. Emily seemed up for it but Tom said he wasn't down. Regardless, I still had the three of us hang out and it was a good time. I remember at the start of COVID Emily mentioning that Tom and her were texting but then I didn't hear anything so I assumed nothing was going on.
Fast forward to about two weeks before everything blew up, and my other friends are on discord and roasting another buddy for being married. I mention how great it is being single and Tom messages me saying how that one actually stings because he's talking to someone that he really likes but he can't really see them because of COVID. I suggest that he asks them to go on a walk and try to get him to tell me more about this person (in the 10 years of being close friends he hasn't shown interest in anyone else). He told me they met on ok Cupid and that he really likes them. I show nothing but support for him and try to help him with date ideas, showing him a really nice hiking trail. A week later I took him and another friend on the hike to show him how nice it is and send him the photos I took to send to this other person.
Another week goes by and 15 of us had planned on going to this cottage. He suggested early on that I ask Emily to come and I thought that was a great idea (didn't think anything of it). The place ended up being shitty and she didn't want to come. With the amount of people going on the trip and the shitty place, I also really didn't want to go but I had said yes, and didn't want to back out. Luckily, I had Tom and the guys that I felt really comfortable around. During this weekend Tom started acting weird. On the first night he kept following me around and saying how he had a deep chat with Mike [28 M] and how we should have one too (I would find out later from Mike that he was the one who found out about Tom and Emily and told Tom he was a idiot for not telling). I had a busy week at work and wasn't really in the mood, so I dodged and went to sleep instead. He followed me up and tucked me into bed and said weird shit like I love you and you don't appreciate me enough. He also kept coming back to my bed and making sure I was tucked in. The next day he continued pushing this deep talk, and it made me uncomfortable. I started worrying based on how he acted the night before that he liked me, and, honestly, that's the last thing I wanted on a weekend that, as I expected, wasn't very fun (the randoms invited were hooking up, the house was disgusting, there was relationship drama, dogs running around pissing on the ground, the owners not paying attention to their dogs, and much more, it was a shit show).
On the second day, we decided to go to the beach, and there was so much going on that I just left everyone and walked on my own to a private spot and started texting Emily about my fear of Tom liking me/how I knew I shouldn't have come this weekend. She kept asking to know more about why I thought he liked me but didn't really help. Regardless, it was nice to vent about that and the weekend. I was texting this with literal tears in my eyes as this weekend had somehow managed to be even worse than I imagined. I tried seeing if I could get an Uber to drive me home but that unfortunately wasn't an option in the area we were in.
Later, I noticed that Tom had gone back to normal and thought that I had maybe over analyzed the situation and started to feel bad. On the drive home I bought him his favorite snack cause I was feeling guilty.
When I got home I was mid texting Emily, when I get a message from Tom saying that he doesn't know how to tell me this but he and Emily were dating for some time now, he was sorry for making me feel uncomfortable, and they wanted to keep it from me because they didn't want it to be awkward for me in case it didn't work out.
Honestly, this shocked me. I didn't expect this, but most of all I started feeling really betrayed as I started piecing things together. What was even worse was when I told Emily she just laughed it off and said "oh yeah, haha isn't that so funny, it's like a sitcom!".
Clearly, Emily had no intention of telling me, and would rather go behind my back to tell Tom that he was making me uncomfortable. I feel that she should've either told me about them, or not told him anything at all. I was literally the one who suggested they get together. I was the one who has always been really open with both of them, and I'm also the one texting them every day (apparently also including days that they were spending together). At no point did they think to tell me instead of lying about what they were doing. I don't know what else they were talking about that I had told one and not the other. I feel like my trust is broken with both of them. I'm someone that really values honesty, and they know this. I've actually stopped talking to them on seperate occasions (years ago) for a smaller lie, and they thought I would be fine being lied to...
Emily hasn't messaged me, and Tom has asking if there were any questions they could answer. I told him that there's nothing they could answer and that I feel betrayed. I also said that I don't mind hanging out if he's there (so it's not awkward for our friend group) but I'm not going out my way to talk to them. Although, now I'm noticing my friends hanging out with him without inviting me, which kinda hurts.
I feel like they were extremely selfish in this situation only thinking about themselves and not thinking about how I'd feel being lied to by my two closest friends and having them talk about things I had told them separately in confidence with eachother. I actually don't care that they're together, I'm happy for them but I feel like my trust is broken, and have no motivation to ever really talk to them again.
I haven't told this to the rest of my friends to get feedback because if I brought this up, I'd inevitably be telling them that they're dating, and that's not my story to break. I only know Mike told them because after that weekend Mike messaged me and told me that he knew.
TL;DR my two closest friends started dating, didn't tell me and started sharing information I told them behind my back to one another. I feel I can't trust them anymore and don't want to be friends.
submitted by edrumnoob to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2021.10.24 16:44 ZoolShop Bus firms report crippling staff shortages as workers quit for better-paid HGV roles

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2021.10.24 16:44 Shlugeire Need some help and advice for making sigils and making them effective

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2021.10.24 16:44 BrunoB12 Iot project ideas.

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